XiaoHau

Simplicity

2009-09-02T23:48:00.000+08:00

Theres alot more that meets the eye,
perhaps its time
for you to slow down ur steps
and appreciate the smaller things in life.

Some things,
which are really simple,
is far greater den wad it appears :)

*waiting for the drill to arrive*

myself..

2009-01-01T23:50:00.002+08:00

Merry christmas to myself,
Happy new year to myself.
And end to 2008.
congrats,
i lived thru to 2009..
sometimes,
its not that i want to brood over things,
its not like i dont wan to leave things behind
and start anew.
Its jus that
like a broken mirror,
it'll nv be a whole piece aleady..
..
i couldnt jus..
talk to you the way i always do..
i dunno wad exactly u mean..
wad u realli want to express..
wad u wan to say..
I realli
dunno..
i realli..
dun wan to loss you..
but..
with ur cold replies,
you still expect me to try to
pretend nothing happened and
entertain you? ..
I dunno..
im..
very tired..
already..

all.. alone..

2008-12-24T00:11:00.002+08:00

yes..
i've brought things upon myself..
i cared too much..
i think too much..
yes,
im a person lidda..
wad can i do..
since im so irritating,disgusting,wadever not,
u can jolly well leave me alone..
at least now i know ..
who are my true friends...
people whom i can talk to,
abt stuff.
since im so sickening,
so disgusting,
so childish,
so i guess its time i say goodbye..
so much for being "friends"

back to sqare one

2008-12-20T00:53:00.002+08:00

so much have happened over the past few weeks..
thing have worsen and worsen..
and i dunno wad is going to happen..

leaving the past as the past,
i dont see how that reason
is justifiable for ur actions ..
i see u having lots of fun with ur friends and everything,
and here i am,
desperately try my best to look for you..
and yet ur reason of not approaching me is
"you busy talking to your friend, i dun wan to disturb u"..
wad kind of a reason is it..

so i guess im such a insignificant person in ur life that
doesnt even vouch for a short length of ur time
jus to say a hi?

everyone always talks abt love being everything so great..
but why is it always pain i've felt..

all this that im feeling now..
i find that i ..
have no one left to talk to..
everyone is move on with their life,
and yet im still stuck where i am ..
still so emotionally driven..

i hate myself..
i hate my life
i hate every single bit of myself..
and yet im too cowardly to end it myself ..

helpless

2008-12-10T00:22:00.003+08:00

I couldnt explain
the helplessness,
and worthlessness that im feeling now..
After so much things happening today..
Its actually realli nothing much,
but guess i took it too much..
on sth which has totally nothing to do with nothing..

Im jus another person
that passed by in your life,
struggling to make a difference
but he doesnt realli matter at all..

changed hur?

2008-12-08T23:48:00.002+08:00

you said that i've changed..
but have you really look at it carefully?
you said that,
the way i talk have changed,
but when i asked,
you couldnt explain exactly wad is different.
but when i talked to you,
have u noticed the change in urself as well?

I admit that i had a crush on you..
which prolly is the reason why i couldnt think properly as sometimes..
i was alittle overly pushy at the beginning where
u get angry with me.. it got me devastated,
but wad could i do..
i tried to take things slowly one at a time,
i thou it would get better,
but when we actually get to meet each other,
you have to let me see that attitude of yours..
whats with those uninterested one word reply?

I have nothing change from the time u know me,
but it was you who have changed..

disappointment, followed by more disappointment..

2008-12-07T03:17:00.002+08:00

Epic failure for the nite deco shoots at orchard.. =(
and everything felt to fall apart..
and someone was telling me abt some people..
who takes comments beyond limits..
i dun understand their mentality..
have it become a show off area,
and you have to shoot everything down
in order to keep the pride of your work?
i will if i must
for i cant work well
with people whom i dont work well with

my Life..

2008-12-01T08:23:00.002+08:00

time and over again
one have been assured that certain things are alright.
but when the time came,
everyone just backed off.
Knowing what is suppose to be done,
yet unable to motivate myself enough to keep moving.

AFA08

2008-11-24T00:43:00.002+08:00

AFA was....not great,
normal ._.
day 1 was pretty okies ..
meet up with quite a number of ppl,
walk ard a little
have a little fun over the places..
have a short shot,
went to the arcade,
had a nice dinner,
BUT
Day 2 was .. horrid..
Mismatched finalized timing..
I ended up not having enuff slp..
And everyone was late,
and i get beaten up by kim and ragster ._.
and having wait at the MRT station along for dunno how long?
reaching mac, realise that
someone reached alrdy, and everyone else is there too............
reaching suntec,
cudnt find anyone,
and someone tried to funny,
if you're so reluctant,
u can simply jus dun reply.
I will shut up.
having no tele lens, no stage pictures to shoot,
and some blardy idiot keeps blocking my view.. D<
Apparently some ppl wanted to shoot.
Ok, lets go,
but every jus stays there dun wan to move?
at this point im alrdy kinda pissed.
and i jus STFU..
And the rain cam along..
and losing locations for shoot..
and it ended with the final blow,
MayN Concert,
open for every single one to see..
WTFS?!
U FUCKING MADE US PAID 68 JUS SO TAT WE CAN SECURE A STANDING/SITTING SPOT?! HOW NICE! THANKS HAR?! AND WAD, 50 EXTRA SO THAT WE CAN GET TO GO UP THERE TO SHAKE HER HANDS AND GET WAD,
PRESIGNED
BOARD.
This is seriously wtf?!
and wads with the no photography?
U know this is a open area,
would the ppl be able to control the
numbers of photographers?!
to HELL with it.
I'm seriously dissappointed with the management for this event.
Thou i had to say,
her songs realli made me alot better..
At least it cheered me up from the entire day of moodyness..
MayN, I hope i'll be able to drop by in japan to one of your concerts!
<3

identity unknown..

2008-10-27T02:37:00.002+08:00

Who am i?
Wad am i?

Birthday jus passed,
Whats there to celebrate abt D:
a mini fraction of my friends actually still remembered my existences
and out of these, except 3, the rest i have barely know them for more than half a year :(
How did i turn out,
to become one of those,
"avoid if possible" people ..

Things havent been going on exactly well,
barely talked to my mum after the fighting incident.
Photo shoots failed due to the bad planning..
I am totally disappointed in myself..

I felt unworthy as a person..
i couldnt do anything well..
And i think too highly of myself,
when im jus another useless selfish brat ..
All along i knew what is wrong with myself,
but i jus dont bother to make the change..
i wanted attention, and i tried,
but i know i am nothing to everyone..
and all these jus somehow ended up tormenting my own mind..
i felt like a kid strangled on a island,
with people passing by and and leaving,
but there actually nobody there to stay..

adult ? kid ? stuck in the middle

2008-10-12T00:53:00.002+08:00

Was talking to naoki the other day..
abt 19 and 21..
turning 20 in like ..less den 10 days ..
not especially excited..
nothing to be interested about..
leaving 19,
makes me no long a teenager..
being under 21,
makes me not a adult yet,
so, what am i?

After 2 nights out with 2 groups of people,
den onli did i realise that..
Im too emotional attached to the cyber world to grow up.
Even thou im out having dinner or chilling with other ppl,
I still have my mind on some other stuff,
which all these people are not mentally attached to it..
:(
Oh i hate growing up :(
I have to take the responsibility of an adult,
yet i get treatment of a teenager..
:(

2008-10-02T16:03:00.000+08:00

realli tired at work..
suddenly came to my mind..
seriously how much have i been spending on my photography..
hmm
lets see..

Bought

D40x
+ AFS Nikkon 18-55mm f3.6-5.4
+ SB400 @ 850
+ others (tripod,bag,dry box)
AF Nikkon 70-300g @ 120
AFS Nikkon 55-200 VR @ 280
Screwed on hood for 55-220 @ 10
Tokina CPL @33
D80
+AFS Nikkon 18-135mm f3.6-5.4 @ 1050
AF Nikkon 50mm F1.8 @110
Insert @ 20
Sigma 70-300mm F/4-5.6 APO DG @120
Tokina AF 28-70mm f/2.8 AT-X @300
SB600 @290

total - $3053

Sold

D40x
+ AFS Nikkon 18-55mm f3.6-5.4 @ 550
SB400 @ 140
AF Nikkon 70-300g @ 100
AFS Nikkon 55-200 VR
+ Screwed on hood @ 300

total - $1090

Items on hand

D80
18-135mm @ 1000
AF nikkon 50mm F1.8 @ 100
Sigma 70-300 @ 100
Tokina 28-70 F2.8 @ 300
SB 600 @ 300

2008-09-29T10:40:00.002+08:00

for a lot of times when im out with my friends,
the common things i hear from them is

"wei~ dont emo lei"

Then im like..
-.-ll ..
Jus because i keep quiet dont mean i emo lei :(..

anyway..

Watched the last episode of Macross Frontier yesterday,
couldnt help but cried during the battle scene.

It's truly touching!
for me at least >_<

and i ended up with the emo feeling for the rest of the day
which seems not to be ending anytime soon.. :/

backed

2008-09-28T17:13:00.001+08:00

After almost 10 months..
my "1st" post for returning ..
but..

nothing to blog now :(

haish ..

2007>2008

2007-12-31T19:02:00.000+08:00

looking back at 2007,
i find myself
still ard the same around,
seem like alot havent changed,
(for me)
but
a million and one stuff have alrdy changed
until u cant even recognized it
let 2008
be a better year,
for everyone
--
Wish List for 2008
-Arrange my stuff neatly
-Be a better person
-Change a new blog
-Draw better
-Enter the Work Force
-Finish up my MP
-Graduate in time
-Her
-Improve on my studies
-Join Singapore kendo Club
-Keep out of trouble
-Look out for opportunities
-Make full use of any little advantage i get
-Needa get new glasses
-Open myself up for more stuff
-Prepare to join the work force
-Quit O￣＿
-Read more books
-save some money
-Think before acting
-Use wadever neccessary to get result
-Value those who value me
-Win something
-X
-Y
-Z

this will be,
my last post on this blog,
take care,
and good bye.
2007
and everyone

stopped

2007-12-31T15:49:00.000+08:00

i guess,
i've stopped being frens,
with alot of ppl.
from the moment,
im not able to
say wad i wanted
or
say wad i felt.

不喜欢

2007-12-31T15:26:00.000+08:00

我，
还是，
不喜欢，
这种感觉。

last farewell

2007-12-31T02:06:00.000+08:00

mayb..
it'll be
the last
bye
i'll
say
to you ..

a piece of my mind

2007-12-30T20:16:00.001+08:00

care for a piece of my mind?
i guess not,
cos it doesnt matter
and it not going to help in anyway

mayb

2007-12-30T02:40:00.000+08:00

i have no idea,
its
whether its the
timing problem
or
she posted it against my post,
but ..
if that is wad she wants,
i'll jus have to do wad i shud do.
After spending the whole nite thinking,
mayb .. is i think too much ..
cos
im not a person,
who is significant enuff
for her to be bothered with me

untitled

2007-12-30T01:59:00.000+08:00

i dunno :(
wad i am thinking..
and wad is it
that i realli want ..
but ..
those feeling for her
is so real..
so real .. that it realli hurts ..
after all those things she have done..
..
i cudnt believe,
after wad we have gone thru,
the time we spent together,
has gone to waste ,
i have you treating me like enemy ..
avoiding me whenever possible ..
and sometimes ..
i jus make me feel as thou,
u'll jus treating me good for my help..
and
you jus ignore me when im not of any use..
and,
all you said to me is
you dun care wad i feel as long as i do wad im suppose to do..
and ..
all i cud feel is hurt and pain ..
:(..
I guess ..
i'll nv be good enuff for her ..
im not rich enuff to give her wad she wants,
im not handsome enuff for her to like me
no matter how i look,
i jus felt inferior to her ..
like
i cant do anything better den her ..
that kind of pressure ..
and
im starting to worry abt stuff
like
how will things become after graduation
wad will happen
when,
i'll might nv get to see her,
ever again
when ..
im alrdy feelin so insecure
when i only get to see her once a few ..
perhaps..
sunday will be a good day to sort out wad i really want ..

人

2007-12-29T20:39:00.000+08:00

人，
往往都会在需要你的时候，
才会记得，
有你的存在。

black out

2007-12-29T00:59:00.000+08:00

it has been occuring
quite frequently..
especially
when im thinking about my life,
and
the depression got the worst of me
and
i just black out..

and all these times
i just ended up with the conclusion that
the reason im alive
is because i dun wanna die
and there dun seem to be
a reason, good enuff to stay alive..
and the only way
i could feel alive,
feel that i am real..
is thru the pain i felt
and sadness ..

about:blank

2007-12-28T22:42:00.000+08:00

when i look at my life,
i seem to have
lost track of what i really want.
everything i do,
wudnt last more den 30mins
unless it absolutely have to..

i cudnt sit in front of my comp
to even finish watching a single episode of anime

i cudnt play the any game,
without getting bored over it realli quickly

and so

what did i spend my time on?
im ..
opening my internet explorer
and refreshing on the same page,
otherwise staring at my msn window ..

like,
i lost the purpose of my life.
and
im clinging onto something
that is so unreal and might be lost any moment.
sometimes
i cudnt tell
whether im living anot..

i felt so empty,
as thou ,
im so insignificant
and desperately seeking for attention and acknowlegdement.

i guess ..
no matter how i felt
and
how i think
its just all about me.
nobody will even be bothered ..

i feel

2007-12-28T21:34:00.000+08:00

i feel
i ..
oh
what the hell ..
does it even matter..

for the sake

2007-12-28T03:35:00.000+08:00

recently,
i see many ppl

saying things, for the sake of saying it

asking things, for the sake of asking it

doing things, for the sake of doing it

y do u even bother to do it in the first place?

satisfaction

2007-12-28T03:24:00.000+08:00

perhaps
one day,
you will reach a point,
where
wadever you do,
eu nv seem to get any satisfaction from it.

i nv seem to get the enjoyment i used to have
when im playing game

i nv seem to get engross into a movie/show/anime
like i used to

i nv seem to get any satisfaction from
being able to perform certain task

i nv seem to be happy over anything
that have occur to me over the past few weeks

mayb ..
i've grown too used to wad i alrdy have
and started to expect more
from wad i shudnt
i,
shud learn to live with wad i alrdy have
and make the best out of it.

time, the murderer of any relationship

2007-12-27T00:04:00.001+08:00

after something happened,
or rather many things that have happened.
i have no idea why i was reading up my ancient chat log
and
i compared those to the ones i gotten now
and
i
saw a huge gap,
when i say huge, i mean HUGE ,
like heaven and earth gap.
perhaps
as time pass by,
even friendship can get killed by it.
ANY friendship that you thot
is greater den anything,
eventually dies out..
until we jus stop talking..
and,
its not jus one person,
i alrdy see several person doing the same,
and it jus simply bring heartache.
friendship of those people i treasure
has died out,
and we simply stopped talking
even on msn..
losing 1 friend is bad enuff,
several at the same time,
how do u want me to react?

should i

2007-12-26T23:26:00.001+08:00

there is one thing
that is bothering me
for so long,
you havent being acting like yourself,
and
so much have changed.
and the bad thing is,
its changing toward the bad way
should i just ask you why?
or should i just ignore all of this
and let time take care of it?

you believe?

2007-12-26T19:44:00.000+08:00

would you believe
that i cud spent 4 or 5 hours
staring into the computer screen
doing nothing?
i'd be lying
if i am saying
im doing nothing ..
im jus staring
at something ..
=x ..
and
blogging somewhere else..
where
my deepest and darkest thous
can be put out words by words
with nothing to hide ..

fear

2007-12-26T15:42:00.001+08:00

every little change in ur msn nick,
and wadever eu wrote on ur blog..
injects fear
deep
into me..

fear

2007-12-26T01:56:00.000+08:00

my mind was clouded
with fear
and thots
that make me
want to kill myself..

jerk

2007-12-26T01:23:00.000+08:00

looking backwards,
i see myself,
throwing all those chances i have
away
and
acting like a freaking jerk to her.
im..
realli sorry ..
i do love you,
and im sorry for all the problems and
troubles i've brought to eu..

想念，思念，爱恋

2007-12-26T01:21:00.000+08:00

想念过去我们在一起的时光
思念你在身边时的感觉
爱恋你，想要分分秒秒都在你身旁

a Question

2007-12-26T00:51:00.000+08:00

someone,
asked me a question,
what is my greatest fear?
and
my greatest fear,
is being insecure,
without your presence,
and i FEAR that one day
i will nv get to see u ever again
i fear of losing you.

perhaps, i wun lose you,
because i nv have you in the first place.

missing you

2007-12-25T23:11:00.000+08:00

havent seen you for 4 days ..
and im starting to miss you ..
when will i get to see eu again..
will things ever get back to the way it was b4?
miss you ..

happy!

2007-12-25T13:09:00.000+08:00

althou i din get her sms,
im glad
she still rmbed me!
thanks for the xmas greetings!
Take care
and enjoy the christmas! :)

Xmas

2007-12-25T10:50:00.000+08:00

started my eve journey to chinatown
to get my IT show cheque..
after barely making it to the 3.30 limit,
went to UOB to update my signature
and activate my debit card..
and after the lunch at CS,
went down east coast
and had a crazy night
we were gambling from 1+ all the way to 7+
where im only like
win win lose lose
xie xie guang ling..
its been some time,
sinces
i last took my mind off her
and enjoyed abit :/ ..
realli anjoyed it
and,
i'd still enjoy better
if i cud spend the nite with her..
Merry Christmas..

love you

2007-12-24T02:25:00.000+08:00

i love you,
my mind,
is jam up with you.
promise me you will be happy
and i will be happy for you too

for the last time

2007-12-24T00:58:00.000+08:00

im saying this
for the last time.
do not doubt wad i said,
if u dun believe wad im saying
DO NOT EVEN ASK ME IN THE FIRST PLACE

every single moment

2007-12-23T22:56:00.001+08:00

i out for the day ..
and i acted as thou im very happy with my life,
yet,
all that is in my mind,
is you
and you only.

and i really hate it
when ppl say
"dont waste ur money on the presents,
if u cant make her your gf in the end"
it realli pissed me.

I'm not doing all this things
to make her mine.
And i respect her choice for bf.
and that i wanted now for her,
is to be happy.
if there is anyone who is going to hurt her
will have to go thru me.
i would wield my blade if i have to.

------------------------------------
perhaps,
im not ready for relationship?
that i cant provide unconditional love.
for i longed for her love
and i loved her
and i've wantin her love in return.
and i admit im a selfish person
but,
i'd rather she be happy with a guy she like
rather den having her upset.

mayb im not the one for her?
i dunno ..
but ,
ur actions seems to show me that
we'll nv be together..

change

2007-12-23T15:27:00.000+08:00

i was thinking,
and i recalled myself saying this,
quite a long time ago,
"All i want is for her to be happy,
but i cant help but feel sad"
and i know the truth
behind all that
and i chose not to do anything

theres no point for me to be sad,
if all i wanted for her is happiness.
i do believe the affection i had for her
is real
but i'd jus wanted her to be mine,
and that isnt the right to be doing
so,
i want to start changing myself,
to be a better person.

i promise,
to do anything i can, to make her happy.
she,
is my princess

理所当然吗？我不觉得

2007-12-23T02:42:00.000+08:00

我不该把
莫些事
当成理所当然
要什么，
就得自己争取。
没有人会把它
捧到你面前给你。

就算
知道不一定会有结果
但
至少知道自己努力过
不会有任何遗憾

task on hand

2007-12-22T21:33:00.000+08:00

b4 i carry on
i shud list out the task on hand
to be complete
-pass out the xmas gift
-Ent individual report
-buy my mum's xmas present
-Freehand - draw a pot
-Freehand - 101 view of an object
-Freehand - outdoor Quick Sketch
-Freehand - outdoor Quick Sketeh V2
-WTS part 2 submission

i shud learn to manage my time more wisely

evaluation

2007-12-22T18:38:00.000+08:00

i've been think thru
for the past few days
and evaluated
what was going on
and
i can only come to this conclusion that
i am not fit
to be the one
for her, or anyone else.
unless i learn to
set my mind straight.

some things

2007-12-22T01:12:00.001+08:00

some things
i can only
keep to myself
and hope
the best come out of it

not enuff

2007-12-21T23:24:00.000+08:00

i guess ..
i'll nv be good enuff ..
to match up to you ..
Im not good looking enuff ..
Im not rich enuff ..
Im not as talented ..
Im not as determined
Im not working hard enough..
Im just not good enough ..

When i look at the way eu do things,
it realli makes me wonder wad you're thinking..
when i look at it,
it jus hurts me realli badly ..
yet ..
i cant hold bad my feelings,
and..
i can only say
我是真的非常非常喜欢你

wad the hell

2007-12-20T13:17:00.000+08:00

i hate my mp,
i hate the client.
my mp is freaking crap
and the client is a fuck up bastard.
go and screw urself
Wad exactly do you want?
we done wad eu asked for,
and you say you dont need us to do that
wad the hell?
jus take a knife and go kill urself

miss you

2007-12-19T01:15:00.000+08:00

u are right nex to me
im looking at you
yet
i missed you..
so much ..
y am i feeling this way ..
i know the answer..
mayb im jus to scare to face it on my own..

想你，爱你

2007-12-18T03:58:00.000+08:00

不知道为什么
每当你离开我的视线时
我的脑海里
慢慢的浮现出你的身影
虽然能够见到你
但是，
我还是对你
念念不忘。。
突然好想见到你。
好想紧紧地抱住你。
好想爱你。。

can i stab you

2007-12-17T23:44:00.000+08:00

why do you
always have to come ard me
and make things worse for me
u are better in everything den me,
y do u keep coming
and do things
that are so little
yet ppl take so much of it
that
even one million thing i've done
is nothing compared to one thing done by you

i've tried so much
to draw a line with you,
yet u keep coming to me
i hate you
i hate you
i realli want to take a knife and stab you
and that is wad i want to do
and that is all that i want to do now

interim report

2007-12-17T02:18:00.001+08:00

This is the SS of the interim report,

after u zoom all the way,

guess it can show how much of a havoc

my grp is in..

sorry for my incompetent..

友谊

2007-12-17T01:51:00.000+08:00

为什么每一个人
所对我说的话
和他们的行动
却有天与地的分别

我对你们好

有的人得寸进尺
想要把我吸干

有的人把我当成仇人
处处针对我

有的人把我的好心当狗肺
我做的一千一万件事，
都比不过别人所做的一件事

难道我你们的眼里
友谊只是一个薄弱的关系
对你们一点都不重要？
还是
你们从来没把我当成
好朋友过？
或者
连朋友都不如？

im so sorry ..

2007-12-16T22:10:00.001+08:00

when i was busy
studying for my termtest ..
i forgot ..
to split the workload properly
and ..
cause some problems between my grp members.
im realli sorry..
for all these things that have happened ..
i shud have ..
split everything out properly ..
its all my fault .
手心是肉，
手背也是肉。
我不想让你不开心，
更加不想让妳伤心。

都是我的错，
对不起。

whats the point?

2007-12-16T16:56:00.000+08:00

wads the point of comparing
from the beginning,
if im alrdy the one on the losing end.
都还没比
我都输了一半
还比什么！
难道友谊，
真的那么经不起考验吗？
或者是
我们从来都不是朋友过？

rushing weekend

2007-12-15T23:02:00.000+08:00

having reach sch at 9+

doing my interim report

and after being kick out of the MP lab

we moved to AS concourse

only to remembered

i forgot to copy my interim report ..

and im left with the only choice,

to redo it..

and to those who think

im having a easy life,

take a look at my use case diagram b4 saying anything

i've got 20 use case to do

will i be able to finish it b4 monday?

为何

2007-12-15T10:03:00.000+08:00

明知道自己早已深深地爱上你，

为何我却装着若无其事

fear

2007-12-15T08:50:00.001+08:00

i got striken by fear,
after i saw sth.
so much..
and..
im so confuse ..
y am i thinkin so much ..
:( ..
perhaps ..
im such a pussy,
and im so emotionally unstable
dat
you feel im like a ship
that could sink at any moment
that kind of unstability..
没有你的世界，
我该怎么活下去。
我突然好想好想见到你。。
我好害怕
失去你的感觉。。

the day after my test ended

2007-12-15T01:42:00.000+08:00

Term test ended ..
everyone's enjoying themselve..
and ..
im in sch,
doing my interim report
alone..
and i fell aslp on the chairs in the MP lab
only to find myself waking up too late ..
and i kana scolding
again ..
:( ..

i got so much things i wanted to say ..
but i dunno where to begin ..
and
theres not realli a person that i can talk to..
becus,
everyone are busy with their own stuff ..
and ..
its not going to change in anyway even if say it out ..

im so confused .. and tired .. and lonely ..
wheres everyone ..
where
..
are you ..

im so messed up ..

2007-12-14T00:53:00.000+08:00

First,
messed up my Ent test,
i totally forgot wad i was going to write..
and ..
i blew it ..
Second,
I got pulled to orchard with my fren
and .. im like ..
so extra lo .. -.- ..
den .. nothing to talk abt ,
im like an stranger dat is following them..
and ..
i have to admire,
im realli jealous..
And
i had some cock up stuff
and i had to miss the outing tml with my "frens"
he come complainning to me,
i completely blew off
and bang down into bad mood.

im so messed up ..
:( ..
我好想你

childish

2007-12-14T00:17:00.000+08:00

i know im being childish
you can easily
leave me
if you cant take it.
You are not the FIRST one

leave me alone

2007-12-14T00:09:00.000+08:00

you think,
im doing this on purpose?
and
im doing this for fun?
im alrdy suffering
from wad happen today,
and here you are trying to taunt me
3 blow in a day
jus piss off.
I hate my life,
I hate myself
Jus fucking leave me alone.

stop acting

2007-12-13T00:35:00.000+08:00

stop acting,
and pretend,
wad you are not.
say wad eu want,
but i still believe wad i see.
and
i simply cant believe wad you have turn into.
why the sudden change?
wad are you trying to prove?
jus becus i need ur help,
doesnt mean i can live with you.
and ..
it certainly pissed me off
when,
no matter how hard i tried,
wad i do,
will jus seem so worthless
compared
to a little thing that other ppl do

eh ..

2007-12-12T01:30:00.000+08:00

Mr J finally called to ask,
did i call Dr L regarding the demo meeting..
apparently,
none of us,
me, my grp members, mr J and Dr L..
none of us notice that the 20 is actually
hari raya..
and im dam piss the fact that mr J asked me to Call Dr L =.=
isnt that suppose to be part of his job scope
=.= ..
dam crappy laa ..

after 2 days of termtest,
i finally ..
let loose and went to Kbox with a few frens of mine ..
budden ..
the stress of the termtest still bothers me..
i guess ..
im going crazy soon ..
i shud write wad im suppose to do..
b4 i forget it..
-Interim Report
-Documentations for MP
im
realli .. realli.. realli ..
tired ..
and ..
im starting to see gaps between me and ..
i guess everyone?
Theres always this point,
where we can only keep quiet and do nothing.
this is life,
wad can i do?
all i do is hope i recover faster and get back to what im suppose to do.
Someone please save me ..
i've got so numb ..
until ..
i feel like dying alrdy ..
and
i dun understand,
people keep saying im not trying hard enuff,
when im alrdy giving my best to do things.
please jus cut my throat

doom

2007-12-11T00:31:00.000+08:00

Im facing doom..
today's wts paper was a disaster..
those that i studied din come out,
and wad came come most of them i din study..
oh great =.=..
thanks to the "great help" of the lecturers
seems that the possibility of getting a good grade is
as good as none.
someone please shoot me in the head.
Perhaps as you said,
im not working hard enuff..
but ..
i guess im realli
tiring out these few days ..
i need a break badly..
i think..
i may need help for my major project..
anyone willing to offer a helping hand ?
=/

how?

2007-12-10T07:21:00.000+08:00

how?
to?
pass?
MSAD?

and im feeling damn retarded..
im sitting on infront of my comp
for 2 hours last night
wanting to do my ENT stuff..
den i realise some blardy idiot
took my ent textbook away ..
and i cant study for my ENT oso..
thanks hor.. =.=
and i ended up
wasting my time staring at the TV
and blanking off..
until i got dizzy enuff to say
"i realli need to slp"
thats great .

so i can only focus on my wts
so,
wish me all the best

to know, and to do

2007-12-10T00:08:00.000+08:00

knowing what to do,

is one thing,

doing it

is another.

im not doing it,

is becus,

the fear or wad the change will bring..

but ..

i guess,

i have reach the point

where theres no reason to continue anymore

unless im making my stand

and change things.

AND

i do hope i will keep up

with wad i have decided

and i hope the best get out of it..

And im making my promise on these scars

on my hand.

doing wad

2007-12-09T03:19:00.000+08:00

jus,
wad do you think,
you are trying to do?
have it even cross ur mind,
wad eu have said
and wad eu have do
how eu act
every single part of this,
jus bring pain to me.
and now u are coming back,
to pick up the pieces?

i dont want jus a bit of it,
either you give it to me,
or u dun give me at all.

theres no point of telling you,
becus eu have make it clear that
wad i think and wad i say
is not going to make a difference
neither does it concern you.

so just leave me crying for the night
and let me focus to study tml ..

learning

2007-12-09T02:54:00.000+08:00

子日：“学如不及，优恐失之。”
Learn as thou you have not learn anything,
fear of forgeting wad eu have learn.

I guess i forgotten wad i have learn.
And i apologize for my inability to control myself.
supposing to study,
yet..i let my mind wonder off ..
and ..bring more pain and injury to myself.
sorry..

i shud get myself ..
more focus onto my studies for termtest.

yet my mind is filled with these stupid stuff ..
the fact that .
the conclusion i made is so different from wad i saw.
and its wad that capacify me with fear.
and how people around me are turning into,
like they have changed completely.
frens turning into strangers..
strangers turning into enemies..

thank you

2007-12-08T02:39:00.001+08:00

thank you for
reminding me
that i shud be studying
and moltivate me to keep going.

The End is not far,
jus a week away!

un-blinded

2007-12-08T00:19:00.000+08:00

after spending the night doing my assignment,
not able to get any slp,
and the whole day in school
i'd suddenly felt as thou,
everything is so clear from the beginning
and yet im not able to see it ,
jus like how the fog suddenly dissappear
and i and finally see things more clearly.

Termtest nex week,
and i am determined.
to do my best for my termtest.
and i will do everything in my ability
to reach my own expectation.
and thats all im thinking,
and i want to think about.

invasion in TP

2007-12-06T22:51:00.000+08:00

there seem to be an invasion in TP,
where its starting to turn out into
wad life's like when i was in year 1..
everyone looks the same,
act the same ( i think?)
but..
they seem to be
talking alien language to me =.=
i have everyone talking to me abt MBWS
//noooo!!IM not from SI =.=
otherwise
they will be talking abt CARS
//not to me, but to other ppl ard
//so i can only keep my mouth shut
and the rest of the time,
they seem to be acting normal
the worst things is,
you dont turn into one of them jus by falling aslp!!
someone save meeeee!!

friday?

2007-12-06T21:08:00.000+08:00

the day im most looking forward to,
this whole week..
as i need to finish my free hand drawing
by friday.
aka
i can finally start studying for termtest.
study week will be pretty lonely this time round,
my hang out ppl are only having one termtest.
so .. i'll be studying alone~
saddd hurrr :( ..
4 days of suffering ..
i have an average of one day to study each subject
and ..
on top of that to do my project =.= ..
i'd better start doing my freehand
wish me luck!

illed

2007-12-05T23:13:00.000+08:00

i've been feeling feverish for like 3 days ..
and its finally catching up on me ..
just a week before term test ..
i hope this will not cause any
delay in anything ..
i need more rest ..
and i miss euu ..

why

2007-12-04T23:46:00.000+08:00

wad is the point of telling me all this,
when
wad u do ,
is completely the opposite?

sorry..

2007-12-04T23:17:00.000+08:00

i guess..
it best..
to keep everything to urself..
and not to trouble anyone else..
they have their own problems too..
i shouldnt trouble them s much..
im sorry..
if i'd become too much of a burden ..
and ..
i starts to see ppl getting
irritated by me,
annoyed by me ..
ignoring me ..
..
sorry
..im
so..
so..
sorry ..

please dun leave me ..

Quessx3

2007-12-04T22:13:00.000+08:00

Quess Quess Quess!!
Quess wad is this!

Guess correctly and stand a chance to win
a mystery prize!!
Sms ur answer to 93385324 now!
or msn to lyeweihau@live.com.sg now!
deadline on this coming saturday night!

i .. dunno either ..

2007-12-03T21:37:00.000+08:00

i was approach by many ppl..
by a question ..
which eventually end up to the same question
why am i getting so upset abt it.

perhaps ..
its because i'd jus simply wants her care and affection
i wanted more attention from her..
MORE.. MORE MORE MORE!!!!!!
and im jus thinking and being concern of
wad im feeling ,
wad im thinking ..
and wad i wan ..

mayb..
i shud be glad to know that..
you having such a happy life now ..
and .. you are enjoying every part of ur life ..

and..
since ..
theres someone else ..
who u liked ..
and likes you ..
perhaps ..
i shud jus let go ..
but ..
it jus simply hurt to badly ..

and all this only signify ..
that
im a selfish person ..
but ..
i dare say this out..
that i realli do love you..
although ..
i've nv done anything that show that i am
or said anything that show my feeling..

soaked pillow

2007-12-02T23:53:00.000+08:00

i hardly slpt last night,
althou i had to work the nex day
but ..
everytime i close my eyes ,
you appeared b4 me,
and
i started thinking of the memories we had ...
and
im starting to fear..
how life is going to be like
after graduation..
without you
and ..
i started to weep ..
and wet my pillow ..

decision

2007-12-01T23:05:00.000+08:00

i'd
been dragging it for too long ..
and
its come to a point
where i must take action..
and ,
i've decided to forgo everything,
and focus on my studies,

and ,

after everything is over,
only then ..
i'll approach you with wad im feeling..
whether you will accept it anot,
it'll be another thing..

but ..

if someone got there b4 i do..
it will only mean
we are not meant to be ..
and theres nothing that can be done
to change anything..

我已经

2007-12-01T13:27:00.000+08:00

我已经
渐渐的
习惯了有你的的身活
直到
见不到你的时候
就
心情恍惚，
难以呼吸

overflowed..

2007-12-01T01:32:00.000+08:00

seem like ..
wadever drama im catching,
theres always this point,
where
u'll catch me
tearing over the plot of the story..
=/

im overflowing
with emotions

boliao?

2007-12-01T00:46:00.000+08:00

perhaps ..
that source of everything,
is the the complexity
of my mind?

Not wanting to jus accept the fact that
1 + 1 = 2,
something so simple
and making things complicating..
like,
how i not willing to accept things,
and start to make assumptions,
and it jus eventually end up thinking
im the cause of every fault i find ..

so ..
the best wud
jus to switch off my mind..
and look that you,
and it would
easily,
make me feel a million times better..
:)

bad life..

2007-11-30T23:02:00.000+08:00

perhaps..
the reason ..
why im such a failure ..
is becus,
im a mistake to began with..
and ..
i started to recall of things ..
my parent told me ..
and ..
it jus hurt me so much ..
to be someone's
mistaken..
and ..

and i felt ..
my existance ..
is ..
so worthless ..
and..
that with or without it,
it doesnt matter to anyone ..

but ..
its just makes me feel a thousand times better ..
jus by looking at you ..
even thou ..
i dun look as thou im feeling anything..
but ..
having you beside me ,
looking at you,
realli .. makes me feel a million times better..

tired..

2007-11-30T01:41:00.000+08:00

theres no point
to continue with anything
~~its~~if theres not gonna be any result.

im realli tired ..

but ..

2007-11-30T00:10:00.000+08:00

i like ..
the way you talk ..
the way you called my name ..
the way you react when i tried to disturb you..
but ..
i dun like ..
the way eu ignored me ..
the way you get me attention and walk away ..
the way the things are between us now ..
the way you make me feel like im such a insignifcant character in your life ..

hug me ..

2007-11-29T08:56:00.001+08:00

i had my day ..
staring at eu when ever i cud..
and
all that is in my mind ..
is jus wanting to hug you..
tightly
and
never
let
you
leave
my
sight ..

please ..
give me a hug ..

wad i wan

2007-11-29T01:05:00.001+08:00

throw me away..
but please give me my heart back..

你可以抛弃我，
但把我的心还给我..

hug me ..

2007-11-28T23:57:00.000+08:00

痛苦

2007-11-28T02:00:00.000+08:00

暗恋
的结果
只有
痛苦
和
伤痛
而已。。

我只想紧紧地抱着你，
永远不让你离开我的视线。。

throw and return

2007-11-28T01:47:00.000+08:00

im jus another
unless guy
whose existance is so insignificant
and yet
wasting away the resources ..

throw me away ..
but give me my heart back..

stressed ..

2007-11-27T21:40:00.000+08:00

i've got ..
so stressed up ..
so much stuff to do ..
cmsk4 ( finished this morning)
Wts (due fri, onli part 1 done)
ENT (email by wed, havent start at all)
FYP ( need to show sth by wed.. waste the whole of tue)
and the deprieve of slp ..
is killing me ..

i brought all this upon myself..
and i screw everything up..
and i apologize to my group member..
my failure to do my job as a group leader..
And my own failure to bring myself to start working
and drag everything to last minute
im so sorry..
and cause so much trouble for everyone ..
sorry ..

dead line

2007-11-27T02:45:00.000+08:00

deadline to meet,
submission to meet,
and im worked to the brim,
give me a nice long rest ..
im in the
sady sady poetic mood..
but ..
tons of stuff i have to do..
but ..
i jus cant seem to focus ..
i dunno its me or wad ..

im starting to feel like ..
im the root of every dissappointment,
every disagreement,
everything bad ..

and i realli do hope things will get better everything
and everyone will not give up
(but i guess i'd be the 1st one to do so)
i need a break badly..

from school..
from assignment..
from my emotions ..

if music be the food of love ........

the dliff

2007-11-26T01:54:00.000+08:00

hai ..
jus when i tot i was feeling better ..
the feeling of sadness..
starts coming back to haunt me..
and all of a sudden ..
everything started
turning into black and white ..
and that ..
there isnt a future for me..
a life like that of walking down the road ..
where ..
wads on the other side ..
is nothing but jus a cliff..
and all i cud do when i reach the cliff is
to jump rite off it ..

how big?

2007-11-25T20:34:00.000+08:00

How big is Santa's sack?
I'd sure hope its big enuff to fit you in,
i'd like to have you to be my xmas present.
(:
<3s you

moltivate-less

2007-11-25T12:35:00.000+08:00

theres tons of stuff that im suppose to be doing,
but there isnt enuff moltivation
to get me starting..
my mind's jam up
totally
with you..
and the times we spend together..

sicked

2007-11-25T03:10:00.000+08:00

i felt so ..
sick ..

Im .. so tired ..

2007-11-24T01:38:00.000+08:00

things,
when stuff inside too long ..
will only hurt more if left growing..
but it will hurt even more ..
if you let it out..
there seem to be like absolutly
no way for me to get better.

The way the table has turn..
has totally changed against me..

its just something that is so simple..
so simple that
its so hard to get hold of it.

day in and day out..
my life felt as thou i was bagging a huge stone upon me..
that slows me down in everything i do..
and the slower it gets..
the more i felt the pressure to catch on ..
but ..
and the more my mind wander off..
into realms which its not suppose to be..

its all my fault..
for not being able to focus on things i shud be..
for having feelings of affection for someone who i shud have..
for seeing every little thing you do, and magnifying it to tink about it..
for my inability to do things better den you..
for my disability to be able to control my own emotions..

im ..
so tired ..
until my emotions got drain until the point where ..
i felt so numb ..
but ..
it took one day ..
for this emotions to come right back to haunt me ..

I dont know how you think about me ..
but i know ..
i will
nv be a person you will look up to..
nv be a person you will come to (when you need someone to talk to)..
mayb .. nv be the one for you ..

I'd tried my best to let go ..
but ..
it hurt as badly as pulling a arrow out of your heart..

i have so much more i'd wanted to keep on typing..
but ..
theres no point to keep it on..
no matter how much i type,
and what i type,
it doesnt change the fact
that i am
a true failure..

Fren? or wad?

2007-11-23T20:55:00.000+08:00

i believed,
it'd those ppl who is called
fren,
behaved more like
acquaintance..

small hearted

2007-11-23T01:00:00.000+08:00

i dont have a big heart,
its small,
realli small
which is onli big enuff for one person
and that person is you.
i know theres no point typing these here,
but there no where else i cud express out.
even if you were reading this
it wud be very unlikely to make any difference..
i'd realli want to have your love ..
so .. so .. much..