alone with the reservoir

went to reservoir alone..
had some one to one time wif the reservoir..
even thou i was so tired..
i was so unmoltivated ..
run run run..
stop and walked..
and i started talking to myself..
to get myself moltivated..
and i start running..
i start to say sth like..
if i can get myself thru all the mental torture,
wads this little tiring feeling considered?
:/

and i starts to see..
wad is realli happening..
and i finally understand that..
im jus totally consumed by my own feeling..
Jealousy..
and y am i so jealous?
becus
i cared for her too much,
yet im doing so much things that wud hurt her.
im so sorry..
and i will try my best to change.
forgive me,
and give me a chance.