black out

it has been occuring
quite frequently..
especially
when im thinking about my life,
and
the depression got the worst of me
and
i just black out..

and all these times
i just ended up with the conclusion that
the reason im alive
is because i dun wanna die
and there dun seem to be
a reason, good enuff to stay alive..
and the only way
i could feel alive,
feel that i am real..
is thru the pain i felt
and sadness ..