The greatest problem abt me...
that makes me fail as a fren..
ish that..
when ppl come to me wif their problem..
sometimes i replied like i dun care..
and they misunderstood me..
(and i think they are still angry of me)
but i actually do care..
and i realli had wanted to help..
but im in no position to help,
i have no power to help..
and all i cud do is get sad abt it..>.<
...
hai...

hai...its my 200th entry..
>_<..
and i tot i cud have sth nice to blog abt..
hai..
such..dissappointment..
=(..
I realli missed her..
more than anyone else do..
>_<

they shes gone again..
and shes = many she..
i missed herr!!
i was crying and thinking of herr..
i realli missed her alot >_<..
i jus wan to see herr T-T..
..
things are jus like dying pulse..
its slowly settling down..
den ppl try to revive it..
when it start beating again..
more pains comes along wif it..

arghh...ARghh..
ARGH!!!!
:@:@..
Im shoo bloodly pissed..-_-
my cousin took all my things and went away..
wad the hell..
its not like he have no clothes to wear..
why wear my clothes..Fucker! -_-..
and my hp pouch..it took me bloody hell years to find it..
and he just take away.. Wad The Hell...-____-
Fuck off! .. fucker.. :@:@

wee!!finally found my secret spot!!
a place where i can destroy and conquer
without any hesitation..
=)..
sho i can jus bottle things up,
get into my spot,
and pour everything out,
and beat the hell out of it xD!!

wad i wanted is attention..
thats all..
simple as that..
..
i've been running too much..
and i've come to a dead end..
the only way out..
ish to confront it..
[If u wan,defeat it. Else allied wif it]
..
The art of Nick naming..
-The nick will reflect the nature which is opposite of the actual person.

yawnn...
tml have dsagg lab test..
no mood to study.. hai...
...
Its realli saddening when all u can do ish like that someone..=x..getting stuck at like and not being to move on, ish probably one of the worse things..
..
3 facts abt guys
-Guys dun help for nothing in return (i guess some do)
-Guys usually help gers 1st
-Guys will help unconditionally if he is interested in the ger..
---
[ lunar 7th month.. ppl pls take care =) ]

when a person is left in darkness for a long time.
he will get used to it..
but some ppl gets in..
and try to shine some light in..
bring him a little hope..
and those ppl dissappear..
and the light fadded away..
and this guy has to suffer thru the proccess to get use to the suffereings..
..
[moral of the story..it hurts more when someone trys to give u hope, make u dependent on it,take it away from.]

>_<....
I want a friend..
Im not asking for much..
jus one will do..
someone.. who is able to stand my problematic attitude..
someone.. who is able to stand my selfish behaviour..
someone.. who is able to understand my thought..
someone.. who is able to can listen to my problem..
someone.. who wun turn away when dey know wad im upsetted abt..
..
i shud jus..draw a clear line between people..
i tried to help them..but they jus think im too busybody..
i tried to befriend wif them..
..
i am lying to the whole world..
im a cheater..
i wasnt saying the truth abt ath..i jus make them up to get attention..
i jus wasnt brave enuff to face my own problem..
i jus wan to run away from them..
mayb they wernt problems to began wif..
the problem is me myself..
i create the problems for myself to get upset abtt..
T-T..
you seem so close..
but theres this one metre thick wall btw us..
i jus want to get closer to you.. T-T

i need a get away..
away from this land of sorrow..
the land that is sealed in lonelyness..
a place where theres no one who is bothered abt me..
where my existant make no difference..

hai...
Hai...
HAI...
-_____-...
super duper depress ..
..
Im tying to punch the way thru the 1 metre thick wall..
and try to make ppl stop treating me like a dictionary..
*once useless throw away*..
..
when u say sth.. mean it , and prove it..
wads the use when all u can do is jus say..
u tot u are making me feel better?
u're only making me feel worse..
-_-..
..
a very rough semester..
its jus down ..down.. and more down this sem..
when will my life get better.. TT_TT..
..
mayb its jus becus i expected too much..
im reach too far out of my limits..
TT-TT

i was thinkin.. Where is my source of depression..
wad made me shoo depress.. and i finally realised itt..
--
i am tryying hardd to click wif my peers..
(well.. we din click, but not well)
and they are holding backk on mee..
thats the part thats making me sad..
some examples--
--
- we have endless topics to talk abt when online, den in reality, i was treated like a stranger,
- im a classmate to them, only when they need my help den they will come to me,
- im jus like a avg stranger to them, only when they need my help den im their "classmate",
--
and im like those people who wanted attention =x
( i know this sounds abit contracting, but "Im shy, but i wanted people's attention"
---------------------
Today's NE talk was great.. alot better than the previous one i went to.. And the biggest problem abt the talk is, they only talk abt the problem and they no give solutions to solve da problem..

The line btw a classmate and a friend
A classmate- will find u only when they need help.
A friend - will find u even when they dun need help.
-------
Even iff i act like i dun caree, i doesntt mean i dun.
When i acted like a jerk, i just wanted ur attention.
When i said i dun love u anymore, it doesnt mean i hold interest in someone else.
I just hate the times u spent with other guys.
Im still lost in my thought ..
hai...

yawn...
shoo boring....-_-
im sho super duper bored..
pluss super depress..
TT-TT..
i've got my pic stuck half wayy..becus someone took away my comic.. (damn)..
hai...prjts prjts and more prjts

in case anyone is doubting me..
i've put my words into action.
I AM quitting msn.. Its awaste of RAM..
i tried to tok, den no replyy..
den everyone got busy wiff their own workk..
i shuddnt be sho selffish to waste their precious time..
Anyway.. Im still literally on the net..
only thing im not in msnn..
I can be contacted via fone =)..
in case of emergencyy..
----
anyway.. i got dam pissed during mdbs labb.. -_-..
i was in slack mode,
den my grp ppl keep on kao bei me..
den when i want to start work,
2 went off to play game,
1 was playing wif his lappie,
1 was loitering all over the place -_-..
...
i got so pissed i walk off away to one side to do myself..
------
[Once again, i repeat myself. Its Hau , not hao -_-]

when u are drifting in the ocean..
you wanted to let go and die sho much..
and u see a piece of wood.
you try to grab on to it..
(theres nails sticking out of the wood)
and u grab it with all ur strength..
wif all the nails piercing thru ur hand..
ur hand is sticking onto the wood literally!!
--OR--
u are walking thru a dark tunnell,,
u tot u saw the exit!
u run towards the door!
open and try to walk thru the door,
and finding urself banging into another wall behind the door..
-----
(Im describbing wad im going thru)..
I must try to get my hands of that piece of wood..
cos even if i manage to get the nail out..
i wun hold on to it long enuff..
becus i wun be abt last..
where the wood come into contact wif sho much people..
[I want a escape that is mine and mine only! (selfish bastard -.-)]
--
--
--
[Im quiting msning..
thats da last thing i even need]

Its in my blood..
i jus realise..
im the same as my parents
both of them..
the way we deal with problems..
we like to just do it alone..
we jus bottle up things..
den break down silently where no one know =x..
..
i wish i could..
talk to someone..
but i tink,
that person will be long gone b4 i finish pouring out my thought =S..
-----
2 of the 4 i mention jus now replied..
when i wass away..
hai...
den theyy no replyy..
hai..
* Looking for a friend to pour my sorrows =x *

hai...
i msn like 20 over people..
no one bothered to reply me.. haii..
den out the 4 who reply..
i pissed 1 off..
2 asho dun bothered to reply..(after a short conversation)
1 got busyy wif his workk..
i dun have the quality to be a gd fren.. =S
sry if i pissed uee =x
....
[Attention! Attention! The bottle ish almost 3/4 filled ..]
----
well..at least im feeling better den a few days ago..
and i do hope this will last abit more..
...hai...
im only gd at bottling stuff..
thats me..
hai..

today ish such a long day!
long yet nice =p..
did mdbs prjt.. ( as least i think we are doing)
den went for dinner wif 路人甲, 路人乙 and 美女
..

somehow..
geylang kinda reminds me of my grandma's hse
(that stretch of road where i was waiting for bus =x)
den abit upsett nia =x..
realli missed herr T-T..
i wishh i cud go backk >.<..
haii...

whens the last time u drops tears?
to be exact
shed tears for the a TV programme..
TT-TT..
i was sho touched by so much show..!
somemore follow one after another..
the best part is..
its cartoon @_@..
its a weird feeling..
a mixture of "wanting to vomit" + " wanting to cryy"..
-----
I wan to watch pirates AGAIN!!!
>.<
Anyone interested pls leave a Tag!! =x
[p.s. i want to be like brock! =p]

haiii... >.<
im sho super duper sueyy..
i uninstalled my old windows,
forgot to backup sometings @_@
and DEN!
the new windows i installed doesnt workk
hai...
i need a break..
---
[P.S. I amd still looking forr itt!!!Well.. anything that can replace the purpose of the heart will do too =x]

Domo!..
was ill 2 days ago..
din blog..
=x..
caught pirates ytdd..(in the midst of my illness)
Davy's sho cool!! =p..
Den i said "Its ur heart i wan" *stare at her chest*
(makes me such a pervertt =x)
..
went for sub comm interview today..
interview by andy!
haha...
nothing to blog abtt liaoo >.<
[i know i shudnt say this, but i think sumone is avoiding me =x]


To: Xiu hui and Angeline
thanks for ur concernn
im feeling better ler..
i jus have to not think sho muchh =x

Look at this..
-----------------
When Your feeling alone like no one cares
read this
cuz its absolutely true:
Every night ,
someone thinks about you before they go to sleep,
At least fifteen people in this world love you.
The only reason someone would ever hate you is
because they want to be just like you
There are at least two people in this world
that would die for you You mean the world to someone.
Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
When you make the biggest mistake ever,
something good comes from it.
When you think the world has turned its back on
You,
take a look.
Always remember the compliments you've received.
Forget the rude remarks.
---------------------
this is jus somethin written by someone
to pian xiao hai zhi..
no one cared.
no one bothered.
Ppl pretend to do so, when obviously they dun give a damn abt it.
Thats wad people r best at

Oh GREAT!
Well done !
TP PPL -_-ll
Im having fever..
Sprain my left ankle as well..
(that makes both leg injured)
and the whole world is anti-ing me -_-...
...
I was so naive to think that others will accept me for who i am.
and start to do things that will be in favour to others.
And all i get is nth..
all i am, is someone who jus walked pass ur life,
and my name will only appear when my help is needed.
...
And the best part is,
TP people love to take away wad u wanted most,
when you alrdy have nothing left..
(not everyone in TP.. thank goodness -_-)
...
I cried my heart out last night..
sob a while b4 the uir labb
and im still so depress..
why wasnt there anyone there when i need help..
where are u..
the people who so called "care for me"..
where are u when i need u..

well done! Im jus recovering from a fever! and the world is running the "ANTI" wei hau campaign!! well done!! -____-!!

I have a feeling like everyone is trying to avoid me..
have the world turned against me?
Or have i turn my back against the world..
Im so saddd T-T......

This is 百年难得一见's uglyest blog skin..
Basically thx to the blog master's
lack of talent..
and other bad points..
he has produced this
ugly bg pictt
>.<....
Im so tired....
so tired...
how did things get so tiring all of this sudden..
sumone pls help me out of these depression!!
And my archive is gone TT-TT
...
Im on my lowest luck this year...
im feeling realli loww.. lower den the
gates of hell!! T-T

haii....
out of a sudden..
from this > -_-...
become
this > T-T...
...
i'll jus take zzzz's word as a compliment..
But theres sth bothering me.. haii.. > . <
HAIIII .... (hai.... [echo])...

i have a feeling that someone is getting irritated by me .. >.<

Im like rewinding a year ago..
only thing is im a year older..
and alot of things change..
U say i've changed..
i did...
i have changed for the better..
Well..at least thats wad i tot..
only thing is...
i neva get over the same things..
ya...i alsho got backstab again.. -_-
im still stumbling over the same old things...
i need sum help on this stuff =x..
[TP people.. hai.. ( not all =x)]
----
i twisted my ankle within 10 mins..
somehow i dunno y the floor got so slipperyy
and i hurt my ankle moree..
im like so sueyy >.<> . <... wheres the Xpensive person.. come too mee >.<

my depression mode is still pointing up high..
i soak my pillow last night..
hai...
im so sad....
so so so sad....
so depress..
i suffering from being 太紧张..
i went to the doc..
got sum pills..
no MC issued..
i wanna miss lesson.. =x
well i think u know wad im trying to say...

love's neva a single sided stuff..
if it ever turn 1 sided,
it will last until one of it gets tired of giving all the commitment..
sumhow..
my tears is still flowing
-_-
.....
i think i go rest..
hai..TT-TT

ehhh...
emmm....
eaaa...

i hab so much i want to sayy..
im was normal a few moments ago.. (emotionally)
But suddenly...
all of no reason...
I cried...
> _ <
....
Im crying so hard my nose got blocked until i wanted to die..
....
i decided to quit gaming..
as in long term dedication to gaming..
i want to lye down..
and die -_-...

Mr/Ms Passerby:
Pls use english, i can understand english betterr..
---
Its wthh ?_?
I saw her again -_-
U trackin me issit..
kana drag to pei her tok
=_=
-----
I enjoy cutting myself and rubbing salt over it.
[Im describe wad im doing]
I alway put myself in situation that is always against myself..
probably why i get backstabbed so easily..
----
And i realise when i smile,
my mouth is like the n shape XD
so it wud actually look abit like this =(
!!
That explains why im always so depress -_-ll
........

met a fren of mine..
name *beeped*
had a small chat..
and she said im still the same
*as self centered as ever* XD
--
she:"that relationship wun last one"
me:"> _ <..i realli so cha arr"
she:"u little bit thing angry until lidda.."
she:"sure will quarrel alot one"
me:"@_@"
she:"dun be so Da nan ren nia"
me:"@_@..I where got da nan ran"
me:"Summore is not angry!! is jealous kae >_<"
she:"... -_-ll .. other guy tok u aso jealous"
me:"> _ <.. wo zang you lui gao!! =x"
she:"...tok 2 u will vomit.."
me:"..."
--
hek care him..
=x

U fucking bastard.
If u are playing me,stop it.
u've got enuff fun.
Know ur limits


I giving my finally warning
Stop it, or i'll have to take action.


trust me. U wun wan to have me turn against u.

I wondered..
Y i bothered..
To try to do things to please everyone..
Y am i trying to act Mr Nice Guy.
When im not even one in the 1st place.




At least i know that being nice doesnt pay off.
Cos theres always ppl who obviously dun appreciate it.
I might neva be Mr nice guy again..
At least i will choose to not to help as first priority.
Unless i think the person is worth helping..





I dun watch my back,
easily targeted for backstabbing..
But the same technique wun work on me twice.





[U pissed me in the first place, dun blame for for doing ath stupid.]

Arr~ Thx ber for introducin me to such a nice online tool =))..
heres sum of my drawingss xD




You and me under the stars
Singing grass of the night
Sun
nameless
SunSet
SunSet2

Enjoy =)