ARGHHHHHH......
Im Shouting at my wall..
Im shouting at my computer..
Im shouting at my freaking modem..
and i started hearing voices in my head..
since the dsag paper..
i am going crazy..
im going mad...
ARGHHH....

2 paper down..
sickeningly long day spent in sch..
everything was fine..
until opsy paper..
Oh hell...
I studied every thing that the paper came out..
but somehow..
my brain din managed to get get the answer..
and my hand jus go of writing off..
(even i asho dunno wad i was writing)..
all i want is jus to quickly complete the paper
and go away..
And i slack thru the time btw opsy and dsag..
slacked thru with depression mode..
i was rather depress..
and dsag was a mess..
my hand is jus writing on its own..
and the time has arrived..
the Time i was offered with the best opportunity..
I was sitting on the bench,
den a though went thru my mind..
stopp breathing..and u will receive eternity peace..
and i missed that chance =/..
and i was swing side to side the whole hr sitting there..
from crying and thoughtless..
hai...
i guess no one noticed i was cryying =/..
thats lucky =x..

exam..
exam..
..
increase numbers of mood swing thks to exam..
hai..
im all set and rdy for exam..
ready to fail..
better start preparing for my supp paper :(..
hai..

haiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.....
my head...
lengga the wall until spurr alrdy..
somebody savee mee :(...
..
other ppl got the opportunity that i wanted
but when i have been offered wif opportunity that other ppl dun have..
i always missed it..
well..
not always..
since its only once in very long time..
so i dun realli know...
...
HAI.....
once again...
im in my darn depressing mode..
hai..
--
i was wondering..
is there even ppl reading my blog =/..
mayb i jus thinking too much..
my brain is jus filled wif crap and nuthing else..
hai...
--
[Singnet needa reflect on using 2wire modem/router for 10mbps connection]

hi(hai)..........
terrible mood swing..
out of no reason...
i just feel very sad...
super duper depressing mode..
=(..
hai......
went out to "study"..
but nuthing realli got into my brain..
hai...
haiii....
HAI.......
i want to have a cup..
to pour out everything...
hai....

hai...
i was spentin the whole day trying to study..
and guess wad..
I only managed to study 12 slides..
well done .. -.-

..
I shud try to not do some much things..
everything i do seem to bring problem to others =(..
sry.. to everyone :( ..
sry for all the problems i bring to all of you.. :(..
...
life..
wad is life..
choosing the right from the wrong?..
how come .. im the only one that is always choosing the wrong wayy :( ..

I was walkin down a busy street,
Even though every thing is so noisy..
but it jus seem so quiet..
Things seems to be coming in and out of my brain
but it just seem to be blank..
..
Everything seem so far away..
my life is in great mess..
nuthing go the way i want them to..
I did put in the efforts to do things..
but it always turn out the way i dun want them to..
says who i din put in the effort,
i jus wasnt given the chance..
no one even did,
no one wud wan to do so..
..
i want to cry out loud..
i want someone to acknowledge me..
,
-why be sad, jus look on the bright side?
How cud i even look on the bright side when there not even a bright side to look at, no matter u look at these things, its still going to have same bad impact on me..
-Think abt happy things?
happy things.. when was the last time something nice even happened to me.. Something that could realli make me happy from the bottom of my heart.. I dunno.. I've forgotten.. these memories are slowly fading away..
i wanted to blog more..
but my eyes's not allowing me to do it :(..
cya all.. ( imaginary readers)

I was walkin down a busy street,
Even though every thing is so noisy..
but it jus seem so quiet..
Things seems to be coming in and out of my brain
but it just seem to be blank..
..
Everything seem so far away..
my life is in great mess..
nuthing go the way i want them to..
I did put in the efforts to do things..
but it always turn out the way i dun want them to..
says who i din put in the effort,
i jus wasnt given the chance..
no one even did,
no one wud wan to do so..
..
i want to cry out loud..
i want someone to acknowledge me..
,
-why be sad, jus look on the bright side?
How cud i even look on the bright side when there not even a bright side to look at, no matter u look at these things, its still going to have same bad impact on me..
-Think abt happy things?
happy things.. when was the last time something nice even happened to me.. Something that could realli make me happy from the bottom of my heart.. I dunno.. I've forgotten.. these memories are slowly fading away..
i wanted to blog more..
but my eyes's not allowing me to do it :(..
cya all.. ( imaginary readers)

ARgh...SingNet -_-...
wad the hell..
connection error .. make me have to retype the whole post again
ARGHHH!!!:@:@..
-------------
|Re-typing wad i think i jus typed|
-------------
-
-
hai...
life is...so predictable..
hai...
--
Exam coming real soon..
less than a week to the coming exam..
suprisingly.. i wasnt pressurized..
i got my mind preoccupied by some other stuffs..
---
I have like so much problems=/
i mus learn to control my emotional =/
i can get upset so easily..
even though it dun have ath to do
wif me in the 1st place=/
Example:
-[I could look at my cousin, and my mind will attempt to put myself in his shoes..
den i will be get sad over things i imagine him doing]
:(..
---
Relationship..
something i wanted and dun want so muchh =/..
I neva been in a relationship
I realli wanted to be in one,
but im not dat desperate =/..
but when i said i liked someone, i realli mean it.
but people jus dun take me seriously,
or that i have chosen the wrong person to like..
when i like someone,
i will desperately attempt to get her attention,
i wanted her to acknowledge my presence..
i get jealous when she's close wif other guys =/
im.. jus childish =(
..
now..
every single moment (well.. almost)
all i cud think abt is her..
even when i closed my eyes..im still thinking abt her
so much so dat i cudnt settle down to study =/..
things dun go into my mind,
i've gotten her occupied every little space

nobody wants to
没人要
,
1-talk to me
1-和我说话
,
2-bother me
2-理我
,
3-be in their grp
3-我和他们混在一起
，
4-help me
4-帮我
,
5-try to understand me
5-试着去了解我
--
在我最需要帮忙的时候，唯一能够帮忙的人竟然把背对向我..
为什么你要这样对我..

hai..
CMSK done..
now realli ish clear all assignment liao..
but still got exam..
In realli bad mood..
tml last day of sch..
a mixed combination of Anger + sadness
And comes the jealous part.. :(..
no one bothered to ask me T-T...
they ask everyone sitting there nor..
den only me din ask :(..
wad the hell sia..
:(...
--
I hope i wud be assigned to a grp :(..
cos i was outcasted..
nobody wan me in their grp..
and i wun get kicked out of the grp i get assigned to :(..
how horrible can life get.. T-T..

ARGH!!!
T-T..
how worse can things get..
argh..
why do they make us choose our major project member at a time like this..
-.-..
When allmy friends end up in system..
:@:@..
im a Phd to be,
Poly halfway dropout..
not becus of my result,
but becus i cant find a grp to do my mp..
=_=.. another problem to care abt..
ARGHH!!! T-T

hai...
back to square one..
im still as depressed as ever..
my problems not solved =/..
i created the problem myself..
nobody will bother to help me..
i will only haf to learn to solve it myself..
hai...

ger: Will u still love me in the morning?
me: nope.. i will love u 24/7 =x..
me: well..i guess that includes morning as well?

ppl see thru me easily..
they know wad i wanted,
and make use of it to take advantage of me.
Pushing ppl away frm me,
pushing the ppl that are hurting me away.
I shud jus hide everything to myself..
until i cud find someone,
who i cud realli be able to pour wad my tots..
--
Its not i dun trust my fren,
i had one who i cud realli pour my feelings out,
but his gone, from me =(
its jus..
i fear they will change their point of view on me..
after i pour my problems to them..
mayb there werent problems to began wif..
it might have jus been me..
And they will get scare off by me..
hai..
Thats wad i feared..
thats why i always hesitanted..
...
I be the jug, who'll be the cup =(
T.T...

=/...
=\...
=|...
=(...
--The conversation between
A(Gd side of xiaoHau),
D(Evil side of XiaoHau),
and XiaoHau(physical form).
--
D: See..i told u we shud have stopped
A: =(..
D: I told u shooo many times..
A: > <
D: And when im not looking..
A: Sry larr ><
D: Its not jus u lor, we 2 get affected thanks to you
XiaoHau: T.T
A: I realli din see that coming.. I tot things wun get better
D: I told u to keep a distance alrdy rite!! :@
XiaoHau: i had draw the circle...
D: And u keep on letting her thru:@
XiaoHau: and hurt all 3 of us :(
A: ><
Ber: Break;
D: Gd idea, break his head..
A: =|
XiaoHau: ><..i scare pain=/
D: For gdness sake.. =.=.. jus break his head.And we dun have to suffer like this
A: =| ( Super shock state)
XiaoHau: ><.. ( And ran away)
Den i dunno wad happened =/..
I think D broke A's head =/...
Mayb i shud gib him a visit ><..

=(...
U know how bad it feels to be treated as a replacement?
i was treated as a
Dictionary
tutor
Bot
Friend..




-.-..
1 very gd example is..
Ms B usually dun tok to me,
But when Mr A is offline,
She will start to flood me.





I dun like to be treated a Replacement!
=( .. I wan ur attention

seeing is no believing..
you can choose not to believe wad u see.
But it will take great mental strength.
which is something i lack..
(one of the millions of things i lack)..
i will jus choose to believing wad i wan,
and insist it is a fact..
But not force that concept into other ppl..
Im jus like a snowball rolling down the snow hill,
gathering more problem as i roll down ..hai..
---------------
MessageBox.Show("She wun accept you!the same goes to the nex 9995 gers!!", "ERROR",MessageBoxButtons.OK, MessageBoxIcon.Error)

.....................
.................
............
.........
......
..
.
Shes jus gonna be one of those 10000 gers who will reject me.
sho i shud jus forget abt it..
=/..
even though i said sho, i still wish
something gd will happen..
cos..-.-
everythin jus wun go the way i wan them to..
9995 to go.. >_<...
how bitter can life get =(

is there a medicine,
that i can eat,
and stop thinking abt things?
I need a time out..
there are sho many things go thru my mind.. hai..
so many thing that i dun wanna think abt..

...............
=.= ..
....
tangled down by prjt...
lab test..
mdbs prjt finally done..
opsy lab test finally over..
but......
everything still the same..
nth ever is ever smooth sailing..
everythin i do there will be a problem....
..
will someone pretty pls lent me a knife..
i realli want to cut myself > <..
*Even those i help, wun let me ..T_T..Nex time i dun help others liao..*

i tot i was the one stepping in and out of other ppl's life.
but it is actually others that is steping in and out of my life.
all they do is pick me up,
and drop me way off course..
..
life will be miserable,if u keep on having expectation.
especially high expectation..
sho i shud haf a life of no expectation..
and appreciate even the smallest thing that come to me
..
i am not a 替代品.
if its onli when u need help
dun come to me at all..

i seriously need help..
>__<..
hai...
everything is like going the exact opposite of how i wanted it to go..
every..single.. thing..
i wish sth gd will happen in my life..
i want sth gd to happen in my life..
i Need sth gd to happen in my life...
....
im having sudden mood swing..
sho forgive me, if my usage of language
suddenly change >__<