identity unknown..

Who am i?
Wad am i?

Birthday jus passed,
Whats there to celebrate abt D:
a mini fraction of my friends actually still remembered my existences
and out of these, except 3, the rest i have barely know them for more than half a year :(
How did i turn out,
to become one of those,
"avoid if possible" people ..

Things havent been going on exactly well,
barely talked to my mum after the fighting incident.
Photo shoots failed due to the bad planning..
I am totally disappointed in myself..

I felt unworthy as a person..
i couldnt do anything well..
And i think too highly of myself,
when im jus another useless selfish brat ..
All along i knew what is wrong with myself,
but i jus dont bother to make the change..
i wanted attention, and i tried,
but i know i am nothing to everyone..
and all these jus somehow ended up tormenting my own mind..
i felt like a kid strangled on a island,
with people passing by and and leaving,
but there actually nobody there to stay..

adult ? kid ? stuck in the middle

Was talking to naoki the other day..
abt 19 and 21..
turning 20 in like ..less den 10 days ..
not especially excited..
nothing to be interested about..
leaving 19,
makes me no long a teenager..
being under 21,
makes me not a adult yet,
so, what am i?

After 2 nights out with 2 groups of people,
den onli did i realise that..
Im too emotional attached to the cyber world to grow up.
Even thou im out having dinner or chilling with other ppl,
I still have my mind on some other stuff,
which all these people are not mentally attached to it..
:(
Oh i hate growing up :(
I have to take the responsibility of an adult,
yet i get treatment of a teenager..
:(

realli tired at work..
suddenly came to my mind..
seriously how much have i been spending on my photography..
hmm
lets see..


Bought

D40x
+ AFS Nikkon 18-55mm f3.6-5.4
+ SB400 @ 850
+ others (tripod,bag,dry box)
AF Nikkon 70-300g @ 120
AFS Nikkon 55-200 VR @ 280
Screwed on hood for 55-220 @ 10
Tokina CPL @33
D80
+AFS Nikkon 18-135mm f3.6-5.4 @ 1050
AF Nikkon 50mm F1.8 @110
Insert @ 20
Sigma 70-300mm F/4-5.6 APO DG @120
Tokina AF 28-70mm f/2.8 AT-X @300
SB600 @290

total - $3053

Sold

D40x
+ AFS Nikkon 18-55mm f3.6-5.4 @ 550
SB400 @ 140
AF Nikkon 70-300g @ 100
AFS Nikkon 55-200 VR
+ Screwed on hood @ 300

total - $1090


Items on hand

D80
18-135mm @ 1000
AF nikkon 50mm F1.8 @ 100
Sigma 70-300 @ 100
Tokina 28-70 F2.8 @ 300
SB 600 @ 300