2007>2008

looking back at 2007,
i find myself
still ard the same around,
seem like alot havent changed,
(for me)
but
a million and one stuff have alrdy changed
until u cant even recognized it
let 2008
be a better year,
for everyone
--
Wish List for 2008
-Arrange my stuff neatly
-Be a better person
-Change a new blog
-Draw better
-Enter the Work Force
-Finish up my MP
-Graduate in time
-Her
-Improve on my studies
-Join Singapore kendo Club
-Keep out of trouble
-Look out for opportunities
-Make full use of any little advantage i get
-Needa get new glasses
-Open myself up for more stuff
-Prepare to join the work force
-Quit O￣＿
-Read more books
-save some money
-Think before acting
-Use wadever neccessary to get result
-Value those who value me
-Win something
-X
-Y
-Z

this will be,
my last post on this blog,
take care,
and good bye.
2007
and everyone

stopped

i guess,
i've stopped being frens,
with alot of ppl.
from the moment,
im not able to
say wad i wanted
or
say wad i felt.

不喜欢

我，
还是，
不喜欢，
这种感觉。

last farewell

mayb..
it'll be
the last
bye
i'll
say
to you ..

a piece of my mind

care for a piece of my mind?
i guess not,
cos it doesnt matter
and it not going to help in anyway

mayb

i have no idea,
its
whether its the
timing problem
or
she posted it against my post,
but ..
if that is wad she wants,
i'll jus have to do wad i shud do.
After spending the whole nite thinking,
mayb .. is i think too much ..
cos
im not a person,
who is significant enuff
for her to be bothered with me

untitled

i dunno :(
wad i am thinking..
and wad is it
that i realli want ..
but ..
those feeling for her
is so real..
so real .. that it realli hurts ..
after all those things she have done..
..
i cudnt believe,
after wad we have gone thru,
the time we spent together,
has gone to waste ,
i have you treating me like enemy ..
avoiding me whenever possible ..
and sometimes ..
i jus make me feel as thou,
u'll jus treating me good for my help..
and
you jus ignore me when im not of any use..
and,
all you said to me is
you dun care wad i feel as long as i do wad im suppose to do..
and ..
all i cud feel is hurt and pain ..
:(..
I guess ..
i'll nv be good enuff for her ..
im not rich enuff to give her wad she wants,
im not handsome enuff for her to like me
no matter how i look,
i jus felt inferior to her ..
like
i cant do anything better den her ..
that kind of pressure ..
and
im starting to worry abt stuff
like
how will things become after graduation
wad will happen
when,
i'll might nv get to see her,
ever again
when ..
im alrdy feelin so insecure
when i only get to see her once a few ..
perhaps..
sunday will be a good day to sort out wad i really want ..

人

人，
往往都会在需要你的时候，
才会记得，
有你的存在。

black out

it has been occuring
quite frequently..
especially
when im thinking about my life,
and
the depression got the worst of me
and
i just black out..

and all these times
i just ended up with the conclusion that
the reason im alive
is because i dun wanna die
and there dun seem to be
a reason, good enuff to stay alive..
and the only way
i could feel alive,
feel that i am real..
is thru the pain i felt
and sadness ..

about:blank

when i look at my life,
i seem to have
lost track of what i really want.
everything i do,
wudnt last more den 30mins
unless it absolutely have to..

i cudnt sit in front of my comp
to even finish watching a single episode of anime

i cudnt play the any game,
without getting bored over it realli quickly

and so

what did i spend my time on?
im ..
opening my internet explorer
and refreshing on the same page,
otherwise staring at my msn window ..

like,
i lost the purpose of my life.
and
im clinging onto something
that is so unreal and might be lost any moment.
sometimes
i cudnt tell
whether im living anot..

i felt so empty,
as thou ,
im so insignificant
and desperately seeking for attention and acknowlegdement.

i guess ..
no matter how i felt
and
how i think
its just all about me.
nobody will even be bothered ..

i feel

i feel
i ..
oh
what the hell ..
does it even matter..

for the sake

recently,
i see many ppl

saying things, for the sake of saying it

asking things, for the sake of asking it

doing things, for the sake of doing it

y do u even bother to do it in the first place?

satisfaction

perhaps
one day,
you will reach a point,
where
wadever you do,
eu nv seem to get any satisfaction from it.

i nv seem to get the enjoyment i used to have
when im playing game

i nv seem to get engross into a movie/show/anime
like i used to

i nv seem to get any satisfaction from
being able to perform certain task

i nv seem to be happy over anything
that have occur to me over the past few weeks

mayb ..
i've grown too used to wad i alrdy have
and started to expect more
from wad i shudnt
i,
shud learn to live with wad i alrdy have
and make the best out of it.

time, the murderer of any relationship

after something happened,
or rather many things that have happened.
i have no idea why i was reading up my ancient chat log
and
i compared those to the ones i gotten now
and
i
saw a huge gap,
when i say huge, i mean HUGE ,
like heaven and earth gap.
perhaps
as time pass by,
even friendship can get killed by it.
ANY friendship that you thot
is greater den anything,
eventually dies out..
until we jus stop talking..
and,
its not jus one person,
i alrdy see several person doing the same,
and it jus simply bring heartache.
friendship of those people i treasure
has died out,
and we simply stopped talking
even on msn..
losing 1 friend is bad enuff,
several at the same time,
how do u want me to react?

should i

there is one thing
that is bothering me
for so long,
you havent being acting like yourself,
and
so much have changed.
and the bad thing is,
its changing toward the bad way
should i just ask you why?
or should i just ignore all of this
and let time take care of it?

you believe?

would you believe
that i cud spent 4 or 5 hours
staring into the computer screen
doing nothing?
i'd be lying
if i am saying
im doing nothing ..
im jus staring
at something ..
=x ..
and
blogging somewhere else..
where
my deepest and darkest thous
can be put out words by words
with nothing to hide ..

fear

every little change in ur msn nick,
and wadever eu wrote on ur blog..
injects fear
deep
into me..

fear

my mind was clouded
with fear
and thots
that make me
want to kill myself..

jerk

looking backwards,
i see myself,
throwing all those chances i have
away
and
acting like a freaking jerk to her.
im..
realli sorry ..
i do love you,
and im sorry for all the problems and
troubles i've brought to eu..

想念，思念，爱恋

想念过去我们在一起的时光
思念你在身边时的感觉
爱恋你，想要分分秒秒都在你身旁

a Question

someone,
asked me a question,
what is my greatest fear?
and
my greatest fear,
is being insecure,
without your presence,
and i FEAR that one day
i will nv get to see u ever again
i fear of losing you.

perhaps, i wun lose you,
because i nv have you in the first place.

missing you

havent seen you for 4 days ..
and im starting to miss you ..
when will i get to see eu again..
will things ever get back to the way it was b4?
miss you ..

happy!

althou i din get her sms,
im glad
she still rmbed me!
thanks for the xmas greetings!
Take care
and enjoy the christmas! :)

Xmas

started my eve journey to chinatown
to get my IT show cheque..
after barely making it to the 3.30 limit,
went to UOB to update my signature
and activate my debit card..
and after the lunch at CS,
went down east coast
and had a crazy night
we were gambling from 1+ all the way to 7+
where im only like
win win lose lose
xie xie guang ling..
its been some time,
sinces
i last took my mind off her
and enjoyed abit :/ ..
realli anjoyed it
and,
i'd still enjoy better
if i cud spend the nite with her..
Merry Christmas..

love you

i love you,
my mind,
is jam up with you.
promise me you will be happy
and i will be happy for you too

for the last time

im saying this
for the last time.
do not doubt wad i said,
if u dun believe wad im saying
DO NOT EVEN ASK ME IN THE FIRST PLACE

every single moment

i out for the day ..
and i acted as thou im very happy with my life,
yet,
all that is in my mind,
is you
and you only.

and i really hate it
when ppl say
"dont waste ur money on the presents,
if u cant make her your gf in the end"
it realli pissed me.

I'm not doing all this things
to make her mine.
And i respect her choice for bf.
and that i wanted now for her,
is to be happy.
if there is anyone who is going to hurt her
will have to go thru me.
i would wield my blade if i have to.

------------------------------------
perhaps,
im not ready for relationship?
that i cant provide unconditional love.
for i longed for her love
and i loved her
and i've wantin her love in return.
and i admit im a selfish person
but,
i'd rather she be happy with a guy she like
rather den having her upset.

mayb im not the one for her?
i dunno ..
but ,
ur actions seems to show me that
we'll nv be together..

change

i was thinking,
and i recalled myself saying this,
quite a long time ago,
"All i want is for her to be happy,
but i cant help but feel sad"
and i know the truth
behind all that
and i chose not to do anything

theres no point for me to be sad,
if all i wanted for her is happiness.
i do believe the affection i had for her
is real
but i'd jus wanted her to be mine,
and that isnt the right to be doing
so,
i want to start changing myself,
to be a better person.

i promise,
to do anything i can, to make her happy.
she,
is my princess

理所当然吗？我不觉得

我不该把
莫些事
当成理所当然
要什么，
就得自己争取。
没有人会把它
捧到你面前给你。

就算
知道不一定会有结果
但
至少知道自己努力过
不会有任何遗憾

task on hand

b4 i carry on
i shud list out the task on hand
to be complete
-pass out the xmas gift
-Ent individual report
-buy my mum's xmas present
-Freehand - draw a pot
-Freehand - 101 view of an object
-Freehand - outdoor Quick Sketch
-Freehand - outdoor Quick Sketeh V2
-WTS part 2 submission

i shud learn to manage my time more wisely

evaluation

i've been think thru
for the past few days
and evaluated
what was going on
and
i can only come to this conclusion that
i am not fit
to be the one
for her, or anyone else.
unless i learn to
set my mind straight.

some things

some things
i can only
keep to myself
and hope
the best come out of it

not enuff

i guess ..
i'll nv be good enuff ..
to match up to you ..
Im not good looking enuff ..
Im not rich enuff ..
Im not as talented ..
Im not as determined
Im not working hard enough..
Im just not good enough ..

When i look at the way eu do things,
it realli makes me wonder wad you're thinking..
when i look at it,
it jus hurts me realli badly ..
yet ..
i cant hold bad my feelings,
and..
i can only say
我是真的非常非常喜欢你

wad the hell

i hate my mp,
i hate the client.
my mp is freaking crap
and the client is a fuck up bastard.
go and screw urself
Wad exactly do you want?
we done wad eu asked for,
and you say you dont need us to do that
wad the hell?
jus take a knife and go kill urself

miss you

u are right nex to me
im looking at you
yet
i missed you..
so much ..
y am i feeling this way ..
i know the answer..
mayb im jus to scare to face it on my own..

想你，爱你

不知道为什么
每当你离开我的视线时
我的脑海里
慢慢的浮现出你的身影
虽然能够见到你
但是，
我还是对你
念念不忘。。
突然好想见到你。
好想紧紧地抱住你。
好想爱你。。

can i stab you

why do you
always have to come ard me
and make things worse for me
u are better in everything den me,
y do u keep coming
and do things
that are so little
yet ppl take so much of it
that
even one million thing i've done
is nothing compared to one thing done by you

i've tried so much
to draw a line with you,
yet u keep coming to me
i hate you
i hate you
i realli want to take a knife and stab you
and that is wad i want to do
and that is all that i want to do now

interim report

This is the SS of the interim report,

after u zoom all the way,

guess it can show how much of a havoc

my grp is in..

=/

sorry for my incompetent..

友谊

为什么每一个人
所对我说的话
和他们的行动
却有天与地的分别

我对你们好

有的人得寸进尺
想要把我吸干

有的人把我当成仇人
处处针对我

有的人把我的好心当狗肺
我做的一千一万件事，
都比不过别人所做的一件事

难道我你们的眼里
友谊只是一个薄弱的关系
对你们一点都不重要？
还是
你们从来没把我当成
好朋友过？
或者
连朋友都不如？

im so sorry ..

when i was busy
studying for my termtest ..
i forgot ..
to split the workload properly
and ..
cause some problems between my grp members.
im realli sorry..
for all these things that have happened ..
i shud have ..
split everything out properly ..
its all my fault .
手心是肉，
手背也是肉。
我不想让你不开心，
更加不想让妳伤心。

都是我的错，
对不起。

whats the point?

wads the point of comparing
from the beginning,
if im alrdy the one on the losing end.
都还没比
我都输了一半
还比什么！
难道友谊，
真的那么经不起考验吗？
或者是
我们从来都不是朋友过？

rushing weekend

having reach sch at 9+

doing my interim report

and after being kick out of the MP lab

we moved to AS concourse

only to remembered

i forgot to copy my interim report ..

and im left with the only choice,

to redo it..

and to those who think

im having a easy life,

take a look at my use case diagram b4 saying anything

i've got 20 use case to do

=(

will i be able to finish it b4 monday?

:(

为何

明知道自己早已深深地爱上你，

为何我却装着若无其事

fear

i got striken by fear,
after i saw sth.
so much..
and..
im so confuse ..
y am i thinkin so much ..
:( ..
perhaps ..
im such a pussy,
and im so emotionally unstable
dat
you feel im like a ship
that could sink at any moment
that kind of unstability..
没有你的世界，
我该怎么活下去。
我突然好想好想见到你。。
我好害怕
失去你的感觉。。

the day after my test ended

Term test ended ..
everyone's enjoying themselve..
and ..
im in sch,
doing my interim report
alone..
and i fell aslp on the chairs in the MP lab
only to find myself waking up too late ..
and i kana scolding
again ..
:( ..

i got so much things i wanted to say ..
but i dunno where to begin ..
and
theres not realli a person that i can talk to..
becus,
everyone are busy with their own stuff ..
and ..
its not going to change in anyway even if say it out ..

im so confused .. and tired .. and lonely ..
wheres everyone ..
where
..
are you ..

im so messed up ..

First,
messed up my Ent test,
i totally forgot wad i was going to write..
and ..
i blew it ..
Second,
I got pulled to orchard with my fren
and .. im like ..
so extra lo .. -.- ..
den .. nothing to talk abt ,
im like an stranger dat is following them..
and ..
i have to admire,
im realli jealous..
And
i had some cock up stuff
and i had to miss the outing tml with my "frens"
he come complainning to me,
i completely blew off
and bang down into bad mood.

im so messed up ..
:( ..
我好想你

childish

i know im being childish
you can easily
leave me
if you cant take it.
You are not the FIRST one

leave me alone

you think,
im doing this on purpose?
and
im doing this for fun?
im alrdy suffering
from wad happen today,
and here you are trying to taunt me
3 blow in a day
jus piss off.
I hate my life,
I hate myself
Jus fucking leave me alone.

stop acting

stop acting,
and pretend,
wad you are not.
say wad eu want,
but i still believe wad i see.
and
i simply cant believe wad you have turn into.
why the sudden change?
wad are you trying to prove?
jus becus i need ur help,
doesnt mean i can live with you.
and ..
it certainly pissed me off
when,
no matter how hard i tried,
wad i do,
will jus seem so worthless
compared
to a little thing that other ppl do

eh ..

Mr J finally called to ask,
did i call Dr L regarding the demo meeting..
apparently,
none of us,
me, my grp members, mr J and Dr L..
none of us notice that the 20 is actually
hari raya..
and im dam piss the fact that mr J asked me to Call Dr L =.=
isnt that suppose to be part of his job scope
=.= ..
dam crappy laa ..

after 2 days of termtest,
i finally ..
let loose and went to Kbox with a few frens of mine ..
budden ..
the stress of the termtest still bothers me..
i guess ..
im going crazy soon ..
i shud write wad im suppose to do..
b4 i forget it..
-Interim Report
-Documentations for MP
im
realli .. realli.. realli ..
tired ..
and ..
im starting to see gaps between me and ..
i guess everyone?
Theres always this point,
where we can only keep quiet and do nothing.
this is life,
wad can i do?
all i do is hope i recover faster and get back to what im suppose to do.
Someone please save me ..
i've got so numb ..
until ..
i feel like dying alrdy ..
and
i dun understand,
people keep saying im not trying hard enuff,
when im alrdy giving my best to do things.
please jus cut my throat

doom

Im facing doom..
today's wts paper was a disaster..
those that i studied din come out,
and wad came come most of them i din study..
oh great =.=..
thanks to the "great help" of the lecturers
seems that the possibility of getting a good grade is
as good as none.
someone please shoot me in the head.
Perhaps as you said,
im not working hard enuff..
but ..
i guess im realli
tiring out these few days ..
i need a break badly..
i think..
i may need help for my major project..
anyone willing to offer a helping hand ?
=/

how?

how?
to?
pass?
MSAD?



and im feeling damn retarded..
im sitting on infront of my comp
for 2 hours last night
wanting to do my ENT stuff..
den i realise some blardy idiot
took my ent textbook away ..
and i cant study for my ENT oso..
thanks hor.. =.=
and i ended up
wasting my time staring at the TV
and blanking off..
until i got dizzy enuff to say
"i realli need to slp"
thats great .

so i can only focus on my wts
so,
wish me all the best

to know, and to do

knowing what to do,

is one thing,

doing it

is another.

im not doing it,

is becus,

the fear or wad the change will bring..

but ..

i guess,

i have reach the point

where theres no reason to continue anymore

unless im making my stand

and change things.

AND

i do hope i will keep up

with wad i have decided

and i hope the best get out of it..

And im making my promise on these scars

on my hand.

doing wad

jus,
wad do you think,
you are trying to do?
have it even cross ur mind,
wad eu have said
and wad eu have do
how eu act
every single part of this,
jus bring pain to me.
and now u are coming back,
to pick up the pieces?

i dont want jus a bit of it,
either you give it to me,
or u dun give me at all.

theres no point of telling you,
becus eu have make it clear that
wad i think and wad i say
is not going to make a difference
neither does it concern you.

so just leave me crying for the night
and let me focus to study tml ..

learning

子日：“学如不及，优恐失之。”
Learn as thou you have not learn anything,
fear of forgeting wad eu have learn.

I guess i forgotten wad i have learn.
And i apologize for my inability to control myself.
supposing to study,
yet..i let my mind wonder off ..
and ..bring more pain and injury to myself.
sorry..

i shud get myself ..
more focus onto my studies for termtest.

yet my mind is filled with these stupid stuff ..
the fact that .
the conclusion i made is so different from wad i saw.
and its wad that capacify me with fear.
and how people around me are turning into,
like they have changed completely.
frens turning into strangers..
strangers turning into enemies..

thank you

thank you for
reminding me
that i shud be studying
and moltivate me to keep going.

The End is not far,
jus a week away!

un-blinded

after spending the night doing my assignment,
not able to get any slp,
and the whole day in school
i'd suddenly felt as thou,
everything is so clear from the beginning
and yet im not able to see it ,
jus like how the fog suddenly dissappear
and i and finally see things more clearly.

Termtest nex week,
and i am determined.
to do my best for my termtest.
and i will do everything in my ability
to reach my own expectation.
and thats all im thinking,
and i want to think about.

invasion in TP

there seem to be an invasion in TP,
where its starting to turn out into
wad life's like when i was in year 1..
everyone looks the same,
act the same ( i think?)
but..
they seem to be
talking alien language to me =.=
i have everyone talking to me abt MBWS
//noooo!!IM not from SI =.=
otherwise
they will be talking abt CARS
//not to me, but to other ppl ard
//so i can only keep my mouth shut
and the rest of the time,
they seem to be acting normal
the worst things is,
you dont turn into one of them jus by falling aslp!!
someone save meeeee!!

friday?

the day im most looking forward to,
this whole week..
as i need to finish my free hand drawing
by friday.
aka
i can finally start studying for termtest.
study week will be pretty lonely this time round,
my hang out ppl are only having one termtest.
so .. i'll be studying alone~
saddd hurrr :( ..
4 days of suffering ..
i have an average of one day to study each subject
and ..
on top of that to do my project =.= ..
i'd better start doing my freehand
wish me luck!

illed

i've been feeling feverish for like 3 days ..
and its finally catching up on me ..
just a week before term test ..
i hope this will not cause any
delay in anything ..
i need more rest ..
and i miss euu ..

why

wad is the point of telling me all this,
when
wad u do ,
is completely the opposite?

sorry..

i guess..
it best..
to keep everything to urself..
and not to trouble anyone else..
they have their own problems too..
i shouldnt trouble them s much..
im sorry..
if i'd become too much of a burden ..
and ..
i starts to see ppl getting
irritated by me,
annoyed by me ..
ignoring me ..
..
sorry
..im
so..
so..
sorry ..

please dun leave me ..

Quessx3

Quess Quess Quess!!
Quess wad is this!









Guess correctly and stand a chance to win
a mystery prize!!
Sms ur answer to 93385324 now!
or msn to lyeweihau@live.com.sg now!
deadline on this coming saturday night!

i .. dunno either ..

i was approach by many ppl..
by a question ..
which eventually end up to the same question
why am i getting so upset abt it.

perhaps ..
its because i'd jus simply wants her care and affection
i wanted more attention from her..
MORE.. MORE MORE MORE!!!!!!
and im jus thinking and being concern of
wad im feeling ,
wad im thinking ..
and wad i wan ..

mayb..
i shud be glad to know that..
you having such a happy life now ..
and .. you are enjoying every part of ur life ..

and..
since ..
theres someone else ..
who u liked ..
and likes you ..
perhaps ..
i shud jus let go ..
but ..
it jus simply hurt to badly ..

and all this only signify ..
that
im a selfish person ..
but ..
i dare say this out..
that i realli do love you..
although ..
i've nv done anything that show that i am
or said anything that show my feeling..

soaked pillow

i hardly slpt last night,
althou i had to work the nex day
but ..
everytime i close my eyes ,
you appeared b4 me,
and
i started thinking of the memories we had ...
and
im starting to fear..
how life is going to be like
after graduation..
without you
and ..
i started to weep ..
and wet my pillow ..

decision

i'd
been dragging it for too long ..
and
its come to a point
where i must take action..
and ,
i've decided to forgo everything,
and focus on my studies,

and ,

after everything is over,
only then ..
i'll approach you with wad im feeling..
whether you will accept it anot,
it'll be another thing..

but ..

if someone got there b4 i do..
it will only mean
we are not meant to be ..
and theres nothing that can be done
to change anything..

我已经

我已经
渐渐的
习惯了有你的的身活
直到
见不到你的时候
就
心情恍惚，
难以呼吸

overflowed..

seem like ..
wadever drama im catching,
theres always this point,
where
u'll catch me
tearing over the plot of the story..
=/

im overflowing
with emotions

boliao?

perhaps ..
that source of everything,
is the the complexity
of my mind?

Not wanting to jus accept the fact that
1 + 1 = 2,
something so simple
and making things complicating..
like,
how i not willing to accept things,
and start to make assumptions,
and it jus eventually end up thinking
im the cause of every fault i find ..

so ..
the best wud
jus to switch off my mind..
and look that you,
and it would
easily,
make me feel a million times better..
:)